


Not Okay

by capt



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:53:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capt/pseuds/capt
Summary: You are struggling two months after being kidnapped and the team has done nothing to help until one late night.
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader(gender neutral)
Kudos: 24





	Not Okay

**Author's Note:**

> this has not been beta read so sorry for the mistakes and how this is poorly written.  
> ALSO italics are the reader's thoughts   
> please enjoy :)

You felt like you were falling apart. Your thoughts were going so fast that your brain felt like it had been blended. What you were feeling emotionally, however, was comparable to being murdered on live television. You were aware of your own demise, but everyone was just watching. It seemed like you were drowning in your own struggles while no one did a thing to save you. You could see yourself losing the battle. You were losing sleep, your dreams plagued with what had happened. You were unable to escape thinking about it. The team knew something was happening but none of them did anything. They gave you nothing more than sympathetic glances or an extra coffee in the morning.

_They were a team of profilers god damn it, they should be able to see that I am losing my mind._

It had been two months since your kidnapping and one month since your return to work. You thought that things would get better once you got back to work, back to your routine, but it just made it worse. Every crime scene picture felt like your own. Every victim lying dead, you could only see yourself. You never told anyone though, you did not want to seem weaker than your team had already seen you. Hotch especially. He was the one that found you bound, gagged, and used. When he untied you, you could feel the pity leaking off him. You already did not like that emotion directed at you let alone by your boss. It did not help that everyone on the team was also leaking it. They came to you expressing how they were happy you were safe but all you could feel was their pity.

_Of course, it had to be the youngest on the team to be kidnapped. Of course, it had to be me._

Everyone had just gotten back from a case late that night, so Hotch allowed everyone to go home before starting their paperwork. You stayed though. You were not planning on sleeping anyway so you decided to at least get a head start on your work.

_Who am I kidding, I'm not going to be able to get any work done._

You could feel yourself start to spiral and go back to the warehouse where-

"(Y/N)?" Spencer's voice was soft, he was trying not to startle you, "What are you doing here, Hotch said that we could go home." His face was full of confusion, and you let out a breath you did not realize you were holding. Cracking a small smile and meeting his gaze you responded, "I could ask you the same thing, Reid." You hoped that he would not see through your mask and see the terror that lies beneath.

You and Spencer were nothing more than work friends and so you were a little confused when you started to see the concern on his face. That confusion turned into panic as you did not want him to pity you too. You could see his brain working and so you slowly started to make your escape until he suddenly sputtered, "You know it's okay to not be okay, right?" You flinched away from him surprised he even directly mentioned anything, but he was also seemingly caught off guard by his words. "I- I am not insinuating that you are not okay, I just," you could tell that he was starting to panic and trying to back peddle. Brushing his hands through his hair he continued, "1 in 5 adults have a diagnosable mental illness and about 8% of Americans suffer from PTSD so it is pretty common for people to not be 'okay'." At this point, you were gripping your bag ready to just run away from this uncomfortable conversation completely when his words stopped you completely.

"I was not okay after I got kidnapped."

Confusion flooded your face.

_Spencer, kidnapped?_

You could see that he was almost more caught off guard that he had actually said that than you were. His face drained of the little color it had and he suddenly started to become fidgety. He was nervous. He opened his mouth to speak, but you put your hands in front of you quieting him, "You don't have to tell me." You were surprised how calm your voice sounded considering you were about to run out of the room, but his voice surprised you more, "But I want to." You could hear his voice tremble as he continued, "I want to because I do not want you to feel alone."

The two of you settled at your desks as he told you about the case leading to his kidnapping. Sitting in the dimmed bullpen he told you about Tobias and his father. He told you about how Tobias gave him Dilaudid so that he could survive the pain that his father inflicted. He told you about how he had died for a little bit while being held. He told you about how he became addicted and how no one on the team did anything to help. He told you everything so that you knew that he was going to be there for you.

He was looking at the ground, ashamed, "I'm sorry that I did not come and offer my support sooner." You did not answer him but instead hugged him. It took a second, but he hugged you back.


End file.
